Suicide claimed one young man's life, his mom works to spare others' lives

'We just need to start talking about it'

A Missouri mom lost one of her three children to suicide last year, but she now works and speaks to provide resources and hope to other young people in order to prevent suicide - a message she brought Thursday to Calvary Lutheran High School students in Jefferson City.

Angie Wallace's 18-year-old son, Taylor Gilpin Wallace, was a successful student with a bright future ahead of him. He had started college at the prestigious Columbia University in New York City last fall. He wanted to be a cardiothoracic heart surgeon to save people's lives.

His mom said he is saving lives today, albeit posthumously; Taylor died by suicide Oct. 27, 2016.

Wallace said Taylor had come home to Brookfield from school in New York that October. He was depressed; they got him therapy and medication, though he didn't take it.

Taylor didn't leave a note before he died, but as far as his family and friends can tell, a significant part of his depression stemmed from the pressure he put on himself and his inability to cope healthily with the academic and social stresses of college.

His own depression didn't stop him from sending a text to a friend to talk him away from suicide. He just didn't follow his own advice four days later.

"You made a permanent decision to end a temporary problem," his mom told him Thursday. She read a letter addressed to her son in front of Calvary Lutheran's students. She had written it to deliver last summer in front of the student council camp in Fulton. "I just want to talk to him," she said.

As she read and informed Taylor of what his family and friends are up to and how they're coping with his death, she incorporated statistics about the prevalence of suicide and mental health issues - and their consequences.

She said the vast majority of married parents who lose a child end up divorcing, though their family is still grieving together. Those whose sibling dies are much more likely to die by suicide themselves, something that greatly concerns her. Ninety percent of people who die by suicide have an underlying mental illness, and 20 percent of all children 13-18 years old have or will have a serious mental illness.

As Angie read to her son, she also had a presentation up on a screen behind her showing photos of his siblings, cousins, grandma, co-workers and other people who were touched by his life in different ways and are dealing with his death in their own ways.

Taylor's 16-year-old younger brother, Tanner, switched the number on his football jersey from 17 to 30, his brother's high school football number.

Their mom teaches high school English in Brookfield, is a student council adviser and a dance coach. She was never aware suicide can happen to anyone - "now I am," she said.

The Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation for Suicide Prevention's website displays statistics from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among people ages 25-34, and third among 10- to 24-year-olds. Missouri has a higher rate of suicide per 100,000 people than the national average, and more than twice as many people in the state die by suicide than homicide.

However, there's more to the message Taylor's mom wants to convey than pain and loss. She wants to end stigma around talking about mental illness and give people the help they need to live healthy lives, beyond merely staying alive.

"We want people to treat their brains with the same respect as other parts of their body," she said. While speaking publicly after her son's death, many people have come forward after events to share their own stories with her about mental illness and suicide.

"It's so prevalent, but it's hush-hush," she said. "We just need to start talking about it."

She said young people's peers often know of a friend's distress before adults do, and they can make referrals to adults and professionals if they are empowered to do so.

The friend whom Taylor consoled just days before his own suicide later read aloud and recorded the text he had sent him, which Wallace played Thursday. "You have to be the voice of reason for your friend," she said.

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The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). The Suicide Prevention Crisis Text Line is available by texting "START" to 741-741.

Additional resources are listed on the Taylor Gilpin Wallace Foundation's website, tgwfoundation.org/crisis-lines/, through the Missouri Department of Mental Health at dmh.mo.gov/ and the National Alliance on Mental Illness at nami.org/Find-Support/NAMI-Help-Line#crisis.